Tears for the Dreamer
by TercesTardis
Summary: A look into Iris, Jesse, Wally, Tracy, and Cisco's grief for HR. Story is better than it sounds.


**A/N: My** **tribute to HR, because I feel the CW didn't express the people's grief enough. So I put in the how some people felt about his death, namely Iris, Jesse, Wally, Cisco, and Tracy. And I also put a short HR part, at the end.**

Iris was watching with concern, safely on the roof. She looked like H.R., and had tried to act like H.R., but the problem was, she was supposed to be in the place of H.R. - so near death; so near Savitar's blade.

That should be her.

Barry had to save him. And Barry _would_ save him. If H.R. died, he would die for her, and that wasn't what she wanted him to do.

She didn't want him to die.

Her heart was thumping in her chest, as she watched Savitar hold up her body like it was a prize. Like it was something to be proud of.

No one could be proud of killing H.R. _Nobody_. He was so sweet and light-hearted, yet determined and philosophical. He meant so much to the team.

Breath stopping, she watched as Savitar drove a blade right into H.R. Iris crumpled down.

 _Oh no._

The words drifted around her head. It was the only thing she could hear. It was the only thing she could feel. Everything was a blur.

Only then did she realize she was crying.

That could've been her.

But that wasn't what made her sob. That wasn't what made her stand at his grave, speak about him, thank him for everything.

She sobbed because it _should've_ been her.

It _should've._

* * *

The next time Jessie visited, it was to grieve. Wally had told her...everything. And suddenly everything had felt like it was falling apart.

He wasn't her dad. But he sure acted like him, sometimes. He hugged her, he wiped her tears, and he told her everything would be alright.

At times, she hated him. At times, she loved him. He was so much lighter than her dad. So carefree. He didn't act like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. He had fun. He made her laugh.

She had missed the funeral. In a strange sense, she was grateful. She didn't want to cry with other people, even if they were her friends. She wanted to spend time alone with H.R., because their moments were always them, alone, sitting side by side.

She visited the grave not wearing black. H.R. wouldn't want that. She was wearing casual clothes. Instead of standing in front of the tombstone, she sat beside it.

"Hey," she said weakly, tears already threatening to fall. "I miss you so much." Pausing, she wiped her eyes and cleared her throat. "Everyone here misses you. A lot." She began crying, tears falling freely and onto the tombstone as she instinctively searched for his hand. She cried even harder. "I miss you."

She continued, looking out into the horizon, "I decided to get back on Team Flash. But it's like we're not a team anymore. Wally's always doubting himself. I'm always doubting myself. You've left a definite hole in the team. But - " she mustered up a smile, "Wally and I are trying our best to protect the city. And I - we," she corrected herself, "hope you're proud of us."

And like always, the speedster felt better.

* * *

Wally watched, broken, as his sister slowly breathed her final words. Tears were already sliding down, and he gulped.

No.

Then the face transformed into H.R., and he ran. He ran as far as he could, as fast as he was trained.

Because _H.R._ had trained him. And he couldn't stand seeing him die. He ran. He barely stopped, the thought of H.R. driving him on.

H.R. would want him to run. But he'd want him to run _to_ his loved ones, not away. H.R. would want him to run _to_ the pain, not away. H.R. would want him to run _to_ the people hurt, not away. And so he did.

Everything was over so quickly. They were, somehow, at the funeral. His sister spoke, but he jist tried desperately to hang on to everything H.R. taught him. Because Iris was right.

H.R. _did_ understand life.

And Wally was afraid that he would wake up and not understand anything at all. He was afraid he wouldn't understand, and H.R. wouldn't be there to explain.

* * *

Team Flash was organizing H.R.'s funeral, and it wasn't going well. One of the worst things to plan is a funeral for your own loved one. Because once you bury them in their grave, you have to deal with it. It becomes _real_.

Cisco now knew that firsthand.

"Hey, man, you OK?" Barry asked, concerned, as Cisco stared into space.

Cisco whispered, almost inaudibly, "He was a great guy."

Barry immediately knew he was talking about H.R. "Yeah, he was."

"Now he's gone."

Barry frowned.

"And it's my fault," continued Cisco.

Barry stood up. "Cisco, it's not your fault, OK? It's not any of our faults. No one is responsible for this. H.R. made his decision."

"But he died."

"He died for who he was, Cisco, for what he believed in. For _who_ he believed in." Barry remembered H.R.'s last words.

"He believed in me," said Cisco angrily. He stood up, facing Barry, and revealing his tear-streaked face. "He believed in _me._ Barry, I promised I wouldn't let anything happen to him. I promised! And - and now this..." he broke off.

"Cisco, don't blame yourself," murmured Barry quietly.

"I wanted to protect him. I wanted to teach him. I know it sounds weird, but I wanted to somehow give back everything every Wells taught me."

"And you did, Cisco," reassured his friend. "You gave him the strength to do great things."

Cisco closed his eyes. He sighed. "I...just miss him."

* * *

Tracy watched Iris' body fall to the ground. "It didn't work." The words slipped out of her mouth like Iris' life was slipping from their fingers. Shakily, she buried her face in her hands. When she lifted her eyes, H.R. was in Iris' place and everything went hazy.

Her legs were moving, she knew that. She didn't know if she was sprinting or stumbling or crashing. Maybe all three. She just knew in a few seconds that felt like forever, she was by her future's side, staring into his beautiful face.

"No...no..." someone gasped those words out desperately, as if they stopped denying, they would drown. Then she realized she was the one gasping.

She couldn't breathe.

Only when Barry tried to comfort her did she remember how.

She brushed a few strands of hair away from her face, and only then did she realize she was crying.

"Tracy...Tracy..." Was H.R. saying something, or was it just her imagination? She leaned in closer anyway.

H.R. whispered, "I love you." Then he was gone.

Tracy didn't remember what happened next. She thought she heard someone scream. Maybe it was her. Someone dragged her away. She wasn't sure if it was Cisco or Barry.

The blonde retired to S.T.A.R. Labs, working endlessly to fix the Speed Force Cannon. She refused to call it Bazooka. No. It was called a _Cannon_.

 _Savitar better watch out_ , she thought, hate boiling inside her.

* * *

H.R. smiled to all his friends and family. To Barry, who was so kind and pure. To Cisco, who trusted and believed in him. To Iris, who stayed brave and light-hearted despite her doom. To Wally, who was ambitious and excited to help the world. To Joe, who was protective and sensible. To Julian, who proved helpful and strong. To Tracy, the brilliant woman he loved.

He closed his eyes. It was time.


End file.
